Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
