Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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