I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Randomize
