By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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