I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
