Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
