loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
