im drinking this country out of the recession.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
