i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
