FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
