I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize