We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize
