you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Randomize