i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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