I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
