hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
The power of my boobs compel you
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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