what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
