I just made out with a guy for $7.
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
