I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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