I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
