In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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