Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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