she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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