I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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