i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
