Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Randomize
