I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Randomize
