Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
