you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Randomize