I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this will be a night to untag.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
