my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
