I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
