im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
