well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
