No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
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