she looked like the before picture.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
