Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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