Just mADE A PArabola og urine
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
