You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
