can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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