he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
