I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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