Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
