ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
