her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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