but the lizard people decide everything anyway
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
