if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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