my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
Randomize
