If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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