Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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