dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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