Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
