last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
the night ended with taco bell and tears
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
