I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
