Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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