The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
