Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
