i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
