i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
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