ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
