i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
