dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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