I've blown a few things in my day
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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