Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
